I'm going to jail i love you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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