the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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