Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
