I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
