hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
