I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
