I cockslap morals
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize