You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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