i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
