just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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