Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
