You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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