is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
