Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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