Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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