Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize