Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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