is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im six kinds of drunk right now
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
