Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize