she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got inside last night via doggy door
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize