Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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