How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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