I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize