I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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