My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
