Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
