it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
