my soul wont recognize me after tonight
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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