its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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