i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
