i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
