I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
