yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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