Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
