I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
