I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
