you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
