you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just found a bag of teeth...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
