I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
