She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
