I want you more than these girls want KFC
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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