Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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