I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize