I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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