Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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