6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
