Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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