I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
