he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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