I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
