I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
