oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
