Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
