I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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