I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize