There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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