Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
