The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
