ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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