there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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