New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My ass is underappreciated
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
