The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
