i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
