shes about as inviting as chlamydia
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize