I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
