i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
