well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
