i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
