I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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