just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
