im six kinds of drunk right now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
two words: eviction party
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
