I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
