You made me cry and you don't even care
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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