I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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