He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
