i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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