Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
