wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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