I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
