not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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