So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
