it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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