i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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