would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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