Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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